沒有計畫的計畫 Unsettled Plans－Nomadic Space 流浪空間

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有個朋友最近突然找我宣洩他的委屈，他跟我都是里茲大學留學回來的，也跟我一樣同一批抽到了打工簽證。他的朋友知道後說：「我覺得你以後不要說妳未來怎樣怎樣，因為你最後一次從英國回來之後，你說你短期內不會再回去歐洲，現在妳又抽到打工簽證之後還不是要回去，話幹嘛講那麼早？」

我朋友不懂，去歐洲是又礙到他了嗎？

(大學同學送的小天燈，讓我不管到哪裡都知道台灣的溫暖)

(Mini lantern given by a friend in Undergrats. Give me the warmth of Taiwan no matter where I am)

這種柔性的壓力，我在寫完論文，決定待到學生簽證結束時，就感受過了，有朋友關心說：「不是說過九月就會回來嗎？你是不是太喜歡英國，不想回來了？」那時我很受傷，很無法接受別人質疑我對台灣的感情，那段掙扎，讓我學會如何不要把別人的眼光看的太重。

大學時我也曾經給自己畫過一張人生藍圖，大學畢業出國留學，一年後交完論文回台灣，找份工作、交個男朋友，三十歲之前存點錢，成家立業。但在外闖蕩才發現，原來世界這麼大，人生有那麼多可能性，何必固守那張時程表？

不可否認的是，回到溫暖的家鄉，雄心壯志的確是會慢慢的被磨掉，尤其當我看到雙人優惠行程，但身邊朋友大多都得上班時，真的會嫌棄自己是不是太不上進了？更不用說看著姊妹淘接連出嫁，難免覺得自己自由的太孤單了。現實的種種，加上英國簽證取得不易，讓我的確有上人力銀行找過台灣的工作。

在此必須強調，出國生活是個非常複雜的決策過程，以我個人來說，最大的因素是想要體驗不同的文化，讓自己更完整。在很低潮的時候，只能看看旅行的照片、查一查機票、規劃一些不知道何年何月才能去的旅程，然後不停的鼓勵自己，我還年輕，世界那麼大，人生有這麼多可能性，不要放棄。

我認識一個南法女孩，到英國讀大學，大學讀完了也工作一陣子之後，赫然發現自己太習慣里茲的生活了，再不走就走不了了！他一直都很想去亞洲走走，對泰國的英語教學工作躍躍欲試，於是他就修了英語教學學程，參考了其他背包客的求職經驗談，訂了機票，跟公司辭職，東西收一收就走了！出發前一天，我們到里茲的一間泰國餐廳 (Thai Aroy Dee) 幫他餞行，看他那副隔天都要出發了還一堆東西沒有準備好的樣子，我們真是既捨不得、有點緊張、又被他搞的滿腔熱血都要燃燒起來了！

在泰國待幾個月之後，他最近告訴我，他碰到了很多人都是在泰國一待五年、十年、二十年，他不知道自己會待多久，他還年輕，還不想定下來。即便他身邊也有許多聲音勸他開始規劃正式職涯發展，但泰國讓他有很多成長、領悟、驚喜、改變，於是一切隨緣，搞不好他真會待上五年呢。

我不懂為什麼社會上總是有預設的人生時程表，每個人都問我有沒有交英國男朋友，好像去英國就是為了找男人一樣。還有朋友說：「如果你想三十歲之前結婚，現在就該交男朋友了。」言下之意就是也許我該考慮相親了。當然，誰不想趁年輕結婚生子，但我何必為了這個目標，而乾等一個男人來把我領走？在遇到對的人之前，當然是要把握青春到處走跳！更何況，你永遠不知道對的人會在哪裡出現，乾等有什麼用。

我並不是毫無章法的飛出去，我沒那個勇氣。目前規劃六、七月會去英國繼續我的英國/歐洲走跳生活，我要用力的跳舞、喝酒、爬山、烤蛋糕吃蛋糕、用台灣食譜交換更多的異國食譜，但誰知道呢？你永遠不知道下一站會碰到什麼驚喜。我的計劃就是沒有計畫的計畫。

(一步一步踏實地，我走我的路)

(Step-by-step, walking on my path)

A friend of mine burst out a complaint about her recent unpleasant conversation. She as well graduated from Leeds University as me and also got the working holiday visa from the Youth Mobility Scheme. Her friend said to her, “I think you shouldn’t say things about your future plans anymore. Last time when returned from Britain, you said you wouldn’t go back to Europe in a short time. But then you got the visa and decided to go back again. So what’s the point of your plan?”

My friend doesn’t understand. What does her European plan matter with that person?

I had this kind of friendly pressure, too, when I finished my MA dissertation and extended my stay until the end of student visa. A friend asked me, “Didn’t you say that you would be back in September? Are you enjoying Britain too much and don’t want to come back?” That hurt me. I couldn’t take it when people question my love towards Taiwan. I struggled, and learnt to ignore people’s eyes.

I did made myself a blueprint for my life during undergrads. The blueprint was basically like this: Study abroad after graduation, finish the dissertation and return to Taiwan, find a good job and a boyfriend, save some money and get married before thirty. However, after exploring so much abroad, I realised that the world is so big and life can be so many different possibilities! Why stick on that schedule?

Undeniably, my ambition fades as I returned to my warm home. Especially when I found some couple’s trips promotion but most of my friends need to work, I really hate myself for not working hard enough. Not to mention when some of my best friends got married, they really made my free life seems to be too lonely. By all the practical concerns plus the difficulties of getting UK visa, I did surf on some job hunting websites looking for things to do in Taiwan.

(有時你會好累好累忍不住坐下來，但休息一下就好了)

(Sometimes you get so tired that a rest is required, but please make it short)

Just to make it clear, moving abroad requires a very complicated decision-making process. For me, my main purpose is to experience different cultures to make myself more complete. When I’m feeling very down, I can only cheer myself by looking the pictures of my trips, check some plane tickets, plan some journeys which god knows when can be practiced. Most importantly, I have to keep telling myself, I am young, the world is so big, life is full of so many possibilities, DON’T GIVE UP.

(繼續走就會看到好美的風景，就算腿軟了還是讚嘆)

(Keep going then a breath-taking scene would appear. Awed even with melted legs)

A friend of mine who is from Southern France and studied in Britain for undergrats degree, realised herself too used to life in Leeds after graduated and worked for a while in Leeds. If she didn’t leave the place, she would never do. She adores Asia and was very attracted by English teaching jobs in Thailand. So, she took an English teaching programme, did some research from other backpackers’ job-hunting experience, booked the flight, quit the job, packed some stuff, and left for it. We had a farewell meal at a Thai restaurant in Leeds (Thai Aroy Dee) a day before her departure. Looking at her, she was leaving on the next day and still had loads of things to prepare! We were so sad for her leaving us, a bit nervous for her, but also extremely excited for her new life!

After a few months living in Thailand, she recently told me that she met many people who've lived in Thailand for over five, ten, twenty years. She has no idea how long will her stay be. She doesn’t want to settle at a young age. Despite lots of friendly suggestions asking her to start a serious career, she finds herself being surprised, inspired, and changed a lot in Thailand. So let’s see. Maybe she will stay for five years!

(我寄給自己的小情書)

(A piece of lovely postcard sent by myself to myself)

I don’t understand why there is always some fixed schedule in life. Everyone asked if I had a British boyfriend as if my purpose was to look for a British man. One even said, “If you want to get married before thirty, you should start a relationship NOW.” Which means perhaps I should try some match-making? I agree it’s better to get married and have children when young as time is ticking but why should I stay in a place and stupidly wait for a man to pick me away just for this? Of course I should explore the world as much as possible when I still get my young energy! On top of that, you never know where you would meet the right person. What’s the point of waiting?

I am not going to fly away with no directions. I’m not that brave. My current plan is to carry on my British/European adventure from June or July and dance and drink and hike and bake/eat cakes and exchange more recipes with Taiwanese recipes. But who knows? You never know what you would bump into in the next corner. Here’s my plan, an unsettled plan.