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回台灣三個月了，想念英國、想念歐洲的情緒，是一波一波的。最近我發現想念起的是，擁抱的感覺。
剛去英國時，我非常不會擁抱，而且非常不懂擁抱的時機和場合。有一次一對朋友送我到火車站，臨行前太太先擁抱我，我心想公平起見應該夫妻倆都要擁抱，所以轉向先生時我把雙手張開，殊不知他是伸出右手要握手，我見狀立刻收起左手、但他立刻把雙臂敞開… 我們就尷尬地要握也不是要抱也不是的手忙腳亂了好一陣子，最後有點害羞，但我們還是抱了一下。
於是我問我的英國語言交換夥伴，到底什麼時候應該要擁抱啊？他說，他通常習慣初次見面先握手，如果熟了，離開前再擁抱。但這都是很難說的，有些人會擁抱、有些人不會，這很難講。
好吧，講了跟沒講一樣，於是我就每次在分別的時候密切觀察對方有沒有要抱我的意思，如果沒有就算了。結果有一次有個朋友送我到車站時張開雙臂，我也就跟他擁抱了一下，他放開之後搖搖頭說：「不，娜塔莉，這樣半調子的擁抱不算數，再試一次。」我心頭一驚，原來擁抱還有被退貨的！於是我們又抱了一次，正當我要放開的時候，他居然說：「用力抱緊~」然後我就被這大個子緊緊地抱到有點不知所措，但是也在這短短的幾秒鐘，感受到他真的很希望能傳達給我一些言語中說不出的話。
有幾個特別好的朋友，我們是見面和分別的時候都會擁抱。每一次擁抱都不一樣，有時候抱得很緊很緊，久久不想放開；有一回朋友畢業了要回家，不知道下一次見面會是何時，我居然因為太怕捨不得的情緒會爆發，而只有輕輕抱一下就放，事後後悔不已，幸好後來還是有再碰上幾次面，有好好補一個真實的擁抱。
擁抱可以傳達千言萬語，嘴巴上可能都是千篇一律的「你好嗎」，但卻可以在擁抱的時候感受到不同的關心，有時候是「委屈你了」、有時是「你還好嗎？我好擔心你！」、有時候是「我好想念你」、有時則是「我會好好的，你要保重」
每一個人的擁抱都不同，有些人抱起來跟熊一樣厚實，有些人抱起來就像夕陽一樣的溫暖，有些人抱起來就像一口濃密的巧克力蛋糕一樣會滿心幸福滋味，有些人會用擁抱告訴你，他很在乎你。
我想念擁抱的感覺，我想念每一次擁抱時所接收到那無聲的話語，我想念你們。
It’s been three months since I returned to Taiwan and the emotion towards Britain, Europe hits me like waves. Something I miss the most recently is, the hugs.
I was really bad at hugging people and was always confused by the timing for it during my early period in UK. Once a couple saw me off at the train station and the wife gave me a hug. I thought, to be fair, I should hug the husband as well. So I opened my arms but he reach out his right hand for a hand-shake. I quickly withdrew my left hand but then he opened his arms to me… The embarrassing situation last quite a while with us awkwardly switching between hugging and hand-shaking poses. Finally, a bit shy but we still had a nice hug.
I asked my British language exchange partner about the timing for hugging. He said, he usually shakes hands with people when they first meet and hug each other in good-bye when they know each other better. However, it’s really hard to say. Some people hug, some don’t. It’s hard to say.
Alright, didn’t help much. I trained myself to observe if people have the tendency to hug me in good-bye. If no, then never mind. Once, another friend saw me off to the station and opened his arms. Of course I hugged him. But he shook his head after released me, “No, Nathalie. This is just half-hug, doesn’t count. Try again.” What?! My hug was returned! So, we hugged again. This time, when I was about to let go, he said, “Squeeeeze~” And then I was totally squeezed by this big guy. I was a bit not-knowing what to do at first but then felt something deeply that he was trying to tell me beyond words in that few seconds.
I have some very good friends with whom we hug for hello and good-bye. Each hug is different. Some are very, very tight and seem never to be let go. Once a friend of mine graduated and was leaving for his hometown. I was so sad since nobody knows when we could meet again that I hold my emotion and only gave him a very light hug. That hug made me so regret. Thank god that we actually found another chance to meet and had a proper hug.
Hugs can convey thousands of words, even the most general greeting ‘How are you’ can be added with different meanings in hugs. Sometime it is, ‘Oh, dear. Poor you.’ Sometime it is, ‘Are you alright? I am so worrying about you!’ Sometime it is, ‘I miss you so much.’ Sometime it is, ‘Don’t worry about me, I will be fine. Take care.’
Each and every person has different hugs. Some people are as huge as bears. Some people are as warm as sunset. Some people are like a bite of chocolate cake that makes you feel so happy from the bottom of your heart. Some people tell you in their hugs, they care about you.
I miss the feeling of hugs. I miss every hug and the soundless words behind it. I miss you, my dear friends.
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